Funny how all depressions are similar. You can't agree with me because as usuals with these sort of things you feel what's happening to you is unique (that of which you are not *completely* wrong),
and this is the very reason why any help from the outside will be utterly inefficient. It gives you enough to survive a day, but not enough to get rid of this cancer. What do they know ? They can't understand what you are living anyway, right ?
You get fooded on a day to day basis by cheerful thoughts, sayings and deeds from friends who care but yet you're in no condition for this help to be effective, and this is something you are pretty aware of. One can understand easily how a depressive feels towards his/her friends: shame, and guilt. "Don't care too much about me, you know, I'm in no shape to be cared of." Usual.
The worst thing then is definitely to fall in love. Cause here redemption in the quasi-religious sense of the term takes a particular meaning. The more of hell you know the more heaven you assume others -and THE other- lives in. A nice looking person becomes then an angel.
If you see this angel repeatedly making efforts to help you, you soon get the firm conviction that it's a sign of providence/destiny/insert your favourite god here. And then the usual garbage begins, you end up offering her your heart on a plate in a heroically ridiculous manner that is directly proportional in intensity to the gap you feel between you and her, she can't do crap but to decline, you feel her feeling sorta guilty which makes you feel even more shameful and guilty. Ship sunk, game over.
The other way around is not brighter : if the angel in question is deliberately ignoring you (be it that it has always been or because she couldn't help, like many others, noticing your current's state of mind and/or that she doesn't give a damn), you soon get the firm conviction that it's a sign of providence/destiny/insert your favourite god here, that because you're such a pitiful shit you're not worthy of her, etc, etc., which in the end can't help you feeling better, but definitely helps you getting deeper. Game over, same player plays again.
Ahhh, the joys of love
Start by realizing that what you're living is
not unique. The circumstances can be, but everything else is similar to what hundreds of ex-depressed people felt before you. You don't believe me ? dude, do you REALLY think the radio session was an invention of yours ?
hahaha
You'll laugh at this episode in a few years, man, in front of a glass of beer, with your mates, you'll laugh so hard altogether it'll make your jaw hurt. It took me 2-3 years to work through it, but that's what happened to me.
The day you'll realize your story's not unique, only then will you be helpable. Meanwhile any attention towards you will slide on you like water on a duck's feathers. And that is what is happening to you currently. Which is why I'm destroying my wrists and my fingers to type that kilometers long reply if I want it not to be useless
Look at who you love. Say to yourself, clearly, write down in line or whatever, express what you love in her. See, it doesn't take many qualities to someone for one to fall in love with her, yet there aint no shame, no need for her to be Princess Charming. Actually she can't. Simple. Now what are you doing ? The darker you go the noblest, the purest needs your love to be, and so you charge her with heaps and piles of imaginary qualities
for you decreeted that she had to be the one that would "save you". Damn. I would not feel at ease if I were that person. How the hell could I fall in love with such a guy ?
And additionally, listen to grandpa. Womens don't like Prince Charming. I don't know who's the dumb fuck who invented these love stories with sleeping princesses and heroes with ravaging smiles to wake them up, but hell it ain't working that way. Girls love
men, and men with the least amount of problems possible. So be a
man and quit the romantic/sensible/knight servant/heroic sufferer role. Easier said than done, granted, but read on. Know your worth. You're living, talking and thinking below yourself, because that is not YOU who's feeling depressed but the depressed avatar of Brainz. And don't take people for naives cause everybody around you can see it. Do you think people would care so much about you if you were really what you are currently claiming to be ? Definitely not.
Easier said than done, but positively doable. Just change a few habits. Like:
DO NOT force yourself to see persons you know will make you feel bad, be it an angel, a lovable creature, your Redemptor or God himself on his amiral cloud with bells and trumpets.
DO NOT! Do they make you feel better ? No. So ? Don't. Stay away from them AS LONG AS YOU CAN. It took me 1 year to be able to bear a talk with a certain person again. I don't regret that time. And you know what ? If I were to see that girl again, she would have no effect on me for I found much better ones in the meantime. Which I thought initially was as impossible as 1+1=0 but I discovered later that shit happens. Indeed !
DO NOT listen to romantic/love rock/weeping ass/girly shit music.
DO NOT! Do they make you feel better ? No. So ? Don't. Listen to punk, hard rock, techno, AC/DC or cartoon music if you want, whatever, I don't give a damn, but listen to music that gives you a boost, not to music that makes you feel like shit. BELIEVE ME. Additionally, music has that particularity that one usually associates a particular tune with one or several events in life. If I were to remember of a particular tune, I'd fancy avoiding it makes me feel like shit each time I hear it,
especially if I was already in a shitty mood the first time I heard it. Same goes with movies. DO NOT watch romantic shit like Bridget Jones or whatnot, watch the Matrix, watch the Lord of the Rings, watch Rambo, Terminator or Daffy Duck vs. Mickey Mouse but at least for a few months forget about movies where there's love shit inside ! lol, that would not be a smart thing to do
You wonder what the heck I'm asking that for ? Dude, if each time you get out after a love movie and you start thinking about yourself and your damn angel, things won't go very far that way. So just do it... NOT.
Something else in your life that could make yourself feel bad ? Throw that fucking crap away. Friends are talking to you about your "problems" ? Tell them kindly to STFU. You don't have any problem anymore. And more specifically you don't want this one to come back. You're alone and you're thinking about it ? Do something else. Wreck your head with GOOD music (not alcohol: it doesn't help). Practice a sport, anything. Go to a concert. Play a videogame. Go shopping. Read GOOD books. Do anything you like to do, or anything you're good at doing.
See what I mean ? Thinking about her makes you feel bad. So ? Don't. You can't help ? Help yourself. All I'm telling you, all I'm doing here, is giving you means to help yourself. You're not helpable, and that's a good thing, for you will sort that crap out yourself. And you will, because you can't fail : it's ineluctable. The only question is how long do you want it takes, and that is completely up to you.
</glamorous and monumental mode off>