This is an amalgamation of two posts from my blog on WhoIsJohnNebthos.com, and the WidowX forum, and have been edited for clarity. I'm not really sure as to exactly why I'm posting it, but as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.
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I am currently suffering from a serious depression. It is messing up my sleeping pattens, and hence my degree, and it is also, at times making me suicidal. I have recently discovered that alcohol and depression, whilst being a good idea at the time, do not mix afterwards. Especially if there is noone to talk to who can understand the problem.
Fortunatly, I have recently met
Fiona, who is helping me through some of the worst times, as is Matt, my room mate, and Linzi, someone I met summer last year.
Among other things hindering my recovery - and depression is considered a disease, at least by the British NHS - is the difficulty of getting my computer from home to university. Although I have found ways round getting to MSN messenger, I am unable to work off the anger that my depression can cause.
So if I seem to be in an unusually bad mood, please forgive me, especially if I make a post that is defamatory, insulting, or otherwise unlike me. It is just my way of letting my hair down, as the phrase goes.
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Why.
That's the thing that has been bothering me, why she had to let me rip my heart out like that; why she didn't tell me earlier; why she let me say it live on air, because I thought she didn't know.
She had known since that weekend apparently, when I was laying in the sleeping bag on the floor, slightly tipsy. What I said, I really don't know. But she was, as far as I was concerned, a vision of lovelines, a vision sent from above to help me through my darkest times, but it wasn't to be. Because of her, it just got darker, and darker. Then, after my show, it just turned pitch black.
Think of me in your prayers, I need all the help I can get.
Thankyou.
P.S. Where's the sad smily for the message icon?