Heyyo,
Hmm, ok, well, have ya tried it with default settings?
I diddn't even touch my server settings and when me bud plays with me the lag's pretty minimal, and his ping's plenty good (around 40 - 50).
But then again, I tend to run a listenserver, and it's just me n' him.
But yeah, try default settings, and make small changes at a time until you can find a good balance between client rates, and loading times.