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Steam Poem
Valve why do you torment us so. We all were happy with won id, we could make it work. We could ban the hackers, and stop the cheaters. Than you gave us Steam, it was suppose to do what we had already done ourselves.
So you gave us Steam and our expectaions of Steam have held true... WE ARE ALL REALLY STEAMED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We can't log on we have ticket errors. loading chache errors. All so that we could stop the cheaters and hackers.... something that has already been bypassed by the same people that you tried to stop. it may sound stupid but it expresses many peoplees feeling :D |
Re: Steam Poem
...and the rhymes ? where are the rhymes ?
:D |
Re: Steam Poem
I hate Steam,
700 meg chaches make me scream. Why can't I use my 56k modem? Someone kick Valve in the scrotum. My LAN parties are out the hatch, You all need to get the CS patch! With a dial up rate, 350 minutes is the time to wait. |
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Re: Steam Poem
the other day I found the body
of a guy dead at his keyboard the dark mower had let no card as usuals - I stepped silently the corpse already looked quite bad the whole meat had started stinking and on the screen of the poor lad a little message: "steam updating..." |
Re: Steam Poem
steam is horrible yes it is
just like a bucket of stinky jizz it makes you update which is sad lags up your memory which is bad "Steams Answer" connection problem cant you see 56ks dont work with me load and load is all i know so stop complaining trifling ho i chew up your memory and crash half life alot of programs dont work with me i cause pain n strife coding and hacking dont help any but of hackers and high pingers i sure have plenty come play on me once in a while and leave your computer with an upside down smile |
Re: Steam Poem
really nice ones, guys :D
C'mon others!! we want to hear your poetries ! |
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First there was vaporware
A marketing achievment that vanished into thin air Now we have steamware, but what is this? Look once, look twice - something is amiss! Steamware it seems is hard to compare Yesterday it worked, but today is does not That much is clear But perhaps I forgot ... steam is vapor, is it not? |
Re: Steam Poem
Why is everyone so pissed of with Steam. I think it started off on the wrong foot too early, but i think its a great idea ...
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Re: Steam Poem
(not a poem)
theoretically, steam is a great idea. implementing it didn't go quite as good though. they are making up lost ground with weekly updates and such. as a matter of fact, i don't hate it, except when their content servers are congested. |
Re: Steam Poem
man.. i cant stand all these rhymes.. wheres my eminem's? ^_^
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Re: Steam Poem
i dont hate steam.. but many people have had problems with its loading time, excessive updating, among other things.. i still use steam every day ^^
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Let's see if I can fix it up for ya .... Why is everyone so pissed off with Steam? I think it's actually a great scheme It just got started off on the wrong foot I say give it more time, it's going to stay put But what do we do if it really sucks as bad as they say? Worry not, give it another try by the next day You see Steam will update itself to make it all right If not, be patient and try it again after midnight |
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theoretically, steam is a great idea. implementing it didn't go quite as good, like a bad tasting tortilla they are making up lost ground with weekly updates and such. as a matter of fact, i don't hate it so much, except when their content servers are congested, or when an update is released untested :) |
Re: Steam Poem
OMG :D
Steam has already failed, and it failed all the way cheaters already get through the gate anyway why deliver updates if they're not efficient but to harass players with useless content ? I wish someone would stop all this naughty nightmare I want to turn back time and get the old software working again ; and happen, with a 56k, to reach gaming servers, and actually PLAY! (@ botmeister: Round Two, Fight ! 8)) *edit* BTW, note these rhymes are pure alexandrine's! :P |
Re: Steam Poem
yay look what i started
why must valve fix what is not broken |
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TECHNICAL SUPPORT POEM Why do I get a message saying "Invalid STEAM UserID Ticket" you can't be play'n? Whenever I connect to my LAN server it leaves me and my buddies hanging in a fervor! I'm afraid this error most commonly caused by a combination of factors leaving your game permanently paused. Providing support for such a setup we had no plan, connecting to a game server on your LAN. We promise a fix, so hang in there steady, we will work on it as soon as we're good and ready! I'm afraid this is all the help I can find, and we're sorry for leaving you in such a bind. |
Re: Steam Poem
haha, you don't respect the rhythmics, your rhymes must have the same number of syllables :D
Steam has already failed, and it failed all the way 1------2---3-4--5-- 6--/--7--8--9---10-11--12 cheaters already get through the gate anyway 1----2---3-4--5--6-/--7------8---9--10-11-12 na na na naaaaah! :P :P /me walks in circles, scratching head, mumbles 'inspiration, inspiration, I need inspiration' |
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Steam Is Hell Dashing on to play On a 56k modem Through the Steam we go Waiting it seems all day; Watching progress bar unmoving making fists clench tight Looks like high ping and a crappy game tonight Steam is Hell steam is hell waiting all the way! O what fun it is to wait on a 56K modem delay |
Re: Steam Poem
Here it comes baby... woohoo ;)
An Award Especially before colleagues and customers, One thing we always try, is not to look stupid. We always want to show the skills of a master ; When they catch us in fault, shame is something horrid Unfortunately some don't seem to think that way ; They release gigabytes of untested sowtware, Full of bugs, stuffed with holes, and it takes you a day ~ Cause you must download it, often with old hardware. I really don't get why it can't seem obvious, That all these guys will do, is just ruining their fame ; Losing their customers, and put their firm to shame. For me like for others, Steam is obnoxious; I decree an award for spoiling a good game, Turning a great idea into something lame. Notice this time...? it's a sonnet. :D Round Three, Fight! |
Re: Steam Poem
nice one
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Re: Steam Poem
*stumbled* so... beautifull... *snif*
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Re: Steam Poem
make this as sticky
we shud copy this to steam forums |
Re: Steam Poem
The Steam Cycle Get on my computer its time to play;) Maybe CS or DOD today.:D I haven't been on fo awhile lets hope all is well=) I heard that this new steam crap should all be sent to hell.8o I get on fileplanet to get the steam game:| d^mn all these pop ups are d^mn stupid and lame.>:( Finally get to download all these new files.;) Hate this waiting garbage it takes quite awhile.:RTFM: Now to install and get on the road8) tobad steam takes forever to load.:RTFM: Steam finally loads, Im Almost Done=) Can get online and shoot up some fun.:D Updating platform files, great something more:( Have enough time to deal a prostitute and a wh0re.:o Create New account dis should be good:) cd key accepted, I knew it would.;) Downloading Game files another f^cking wait.:'( Dang out of money guess now I gotta Masturb@te.8) Good its done now time to play=) "Steam script error" another delay.???:( Now I am mad gotta restart computer:RTFM: I am gonna cap some ass wit my 9mm shooter.:RTFM: Get back on lets try some more Man This bullshit is becomin a bore.9_9 Get into game woot now for some fun8D Ima go in der and shoot wit my gun.8) 1 kill no deaths now im glad:D Spontaneous shut down! now im mad.>:( New Steam update Avaialble My friend.... Now we do this bullshit all over again.......:RTFM: |
Re: Steam Poem
l33t! a great one! :D
someone should make a rap song of it... :P okay, I suppose this one won the round three.... Now on for round four: how about haikus ? 5/5/7 syllabons that should be easier for wannabe poets like me :D Enjoying Deathmatch Fury and Firefights Bombed back to Desktop: Steam Error |
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SWEET one, how could I miss that! |
Re: Steam Poem
LOL the steam process one was GREAT 1337 BRAVO N1 I AM EMAILING IT TO VALVE
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bump
i think we shud bring this back for the recent hatred of steam |
Re: Steam Poem
A foul strike to counter
Once upon a time people played and enjoyed shooting each other's head in a game called Counter-Strike. The game was quite heavily debated because of its content, yet top-rated by pros and amateurs alike. Update followed update, up to one-five, every so many months a patch to apply. Every PC magazine in stores just nearby had the patch on CD to keep CS alive. No need to have DSL, 56k worked quite well, nobody yet had to tell Valve guys to go straight to hell. After quite a long time, out came one-six, But alas! It came packed in a suspicios mix with a software we know by its name and its tricks which it plays on our cost, despite desperate clicks that eventually turn out to do nothing but fail. (Well, you know the routine, and I bet you have seen it all dance on your screen while you were somewhere between crash and reboot, blue screen and retry hysterical laughter and desperate cries) - And you know from the start it's to no avail. An even worse curse than your average crash is having to download anew all the cache which takes ages even for lucky DSL'ers and makes us all become Steam story tellers sharing our individual woe and defeat, be it in clear text or written in 1337. Yes, Steam is the name that struck fear in our hearts, it's what made our well-working games fall apart - right from the start. It kept us away from M4 and from Deagle and despite this counts as perfectly legal - Say, is this art? If I were to deny some poor passers-by their good right to play something they bought some day they would put me in jail to spend a long spell locked away in a cell, for a toilet a pail and no way to get out of this filthy game, damned to helplessly shout "What you did was the same!" (William T. Wreckspeare) :D |
Re: Steam Poem
wow..
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oh my god... 8o
Wrecks, you 0wn |
Re: Steam Poem
that was good..
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OMFG, Wreck!!! that is really some nice piece there! :D
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grmbl ... would you guys stop bashing steam at least for a little while. I get enuf of that over in the steam forums, don't need that here, too 8)
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Re: Steam Poem
@ TruB, PMB, Adrian, stefan: =) Thx for the nice comments, guys! Glad you liked it! I really can't explain where this came from... I was having a bad hangover and didn't manage to do anything the entire day - well, anything except for this... 9_9
@Nova: Maybe you should avoid this thread? You certainly won't find psalms and praises for Steam here... Just enjoy the rhymes, man - ignore the content! :D You know I'm not really serious about all this, at least I hope so... ------------------------------- Ok, for all of you who liked the stuff, here's a new poem type: The Steamerick! Abort the report I just have to tell you as Steam update reporter: Lags and downtimes get longer, my patience grows shorter And I know my conclusion will remain an illusion: Wish we could head for the Steam guys' headquarter. ------- Hell's Smells At Valve, they got in a programming fit, probably thinking that Steam was a hit. My experience shows just what everyone knows: It actually stinks like a truckload of ... ! ------- A more complicated rhyme pattern: It's not magic Whether he warrior or wizard be, it's something he'll never with Blizzard see: A software so lame that its users proclaim: "It's all just a meaningless misery." -------- ...and here's a tricky one; I played a bit with words here: PUNishment (Where's the counter-strike?) Those Valve guys sure seized the occasion they struck hard with a quick operation. All you nighted users are its dependent losers: Now Steam has its world's dummy nation. --------- Hope you have fun & enjoy... :D |
Re: Steam Poem
Crazy how you come up with all this great stuff :D
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Re: Steam Poem
yeah gj man
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Oh, and i have to give credit to all the poets here ... i couldnt write the poem with a gun to my head ... :) |
Re: Steam Poem
1. Steam just makes me pay 3-4 times of money than before to the ISP;
2. even so, I still unable to connect to Steam server and login to steam *MOST* of the time (including today) :( |
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