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-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 05-01-2004 04:03

Steam Poem
 
Valve why do you torment us so. We all were happy with won id, we could make it work. We could ban the hackers, and stop the cheaters. Than you gave us Steam, it was suppose to do what we had already done ourselves.

So you gave us Steam and our expectaions of Steam have held true...


WE ARE ALL REALLY STEAMED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We can't log on we have ticket errors. loading chache errors. All so that we could stop the cheaters and hackers.... something that has already been bypassed by the same people that you tried to stop.





it may sound stupid but it expresses many peoplees feeling :D

Pierre-Marie Baty 05-01-2004 04:33

Re: Steam Poem
 
...and the rhymes ? where are the rhymes ?
:D

HangFire 05-01-2004 04:49

Re: Steam Poem
 
I hate Steam,
700 meg chaches make me scream.
Why can't I use my 56k modem?
Someone kick Valve in the scrotum.

My LAN parties are out the hatch,
You all need to get the CS patch!
With a dial up rate,
350 minutes is the time to wait.

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 05-01-2004 05:43

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pierre-Marie Baty
...and the rhymes ? where are the rhymes ?
:D

Lets just call it a haiku =) :D

Pierre-Marie Baty 05-01-2004 07:00

Re: Steam Poem
 
the other day I found the body
of a guy dead at his keyboard
the dark mower had let no card
as usuals - I stepped silently

the corpse already looked quite bad
the whole meat had started stinking
and on the screen of the poor lad
a little message: "steam updating..."

Arucard 05-01-2004 13:48

Re: Steam Poem
 
steam is horrible yes it is
just like a bucket of stinky jizz
it makes you update which is sad
lags up your memory which is bad
"Steams Answer"
connection problem cant you see
56ks dont work with me
load and load is all i know
so stop complaining trifling ho
i chew up your memory and crash half life
alot of programs dont work with me i cause pain n strife
coding and hacking dont help any
but of hackers and high pingers i sure have plenty
come play on me once in a while
and leave your computer with an upside down smile

Pierre-Marie Baty 05-01-2004 14:54

Re: Steam Poem
 
really nice ones, guys :D

C'mon others!! we want to hear your poetries !

botmeister 05-01-2004 19:03

Re: Steam Poem
 
First there was vaporware
A marketing achievment that vanished into thin air
Now we have steamware, but what is this?
Look once, look twice - something is amiss!
Steamware it seems is hard to compare
Yesterday it worked, but today is does not
That much is clear
But perhaps I forgot ...
steam is vapor, is it not?

Nova 06-01-2004 00:36

Re: Steam Poem
 
Why is everyone so pissed of with Steam. I think it started off on the wrong foot too early, but i think its a great idea ...

Dis Guy Here 06-01-2004 00:41

Re: Steam Poem
 
(not a poem)

theoretically, steam is a great idea. implementing it didn't go quite as good though. they are making up lost ground with weekly updates and such. as a matter of fact, i don't hate it, except when their content servers are congested.

TruB 06-01-2004 00:51

Re: Steam Poem
 
man.. i cant stand all these rhymes.. wheres my eminem's? ^_^

Arucard 06-01-2004 00:55

Re: Steam Poem
 
i dont hate steam.. but many people have had problems with its loading time, excessive updating, among other things.. i still use steam every day ^^

botmeister 06-01-2004 00:56

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Why is everyone so pissed of with Steam. I think it started off on the wrong foot too early, but i think its a great idea ...
Nova, You can do better than that, that's one sad looking poem! :)
Let's see if I can fix it up for ya ....

Why is everyone so pissed off with Steam?
I think it's actually a great scheme
It just got started off on the wrong foot
I say give it more time, it's going to stay put
But what do we do if it really sucks as bad as they say?
Worry not, give it another try by the next day
You see Steam will update itself to make it all right
If not, be patient and try it again after midnight

botmeister 06-01-2004 01:03

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:


(not a poem)

theoretically, steam is a great idea. implementing it didn't go quite as good though. they are making up lost ground with weekly updates and such. as a matter of fact, i don't hate it, except when their content servers are congested.
OK, this one is a terrible poem too, let's see what I can do ...

theoretically, steam is a great idea.
implementing it didn't go quite as good, like a bad tasting tortilla
they are making up lost ground with weekly updates and such.
as a matter of fact, i don't hate it so much,
except when their content servers are congested,
or when an update is released untested

:)

Pierre-Marie Baty 06-01-2004 01:14

Re: Steam Poem
 
OMG :D

Steam has already failed, and it failed all the way
cheaters already get through the gate anyway
why deliver updates if they're not efficient
but to harass players with useless content ?

I wish someone would stop all this naughty nightmare
I want to turn back time and get the old software
working again ; and happen, with a 56k,
to reach gaming servers, and actually PLAY!

(@ botmeister: Round Two, Fight ! 8))
*edit* BTW, note these rhymes are pure alexandrine's! :P

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 06-01-2004 01:55

Re: Steam Poem
 
yay look what i started

why must valve fix what is not broken

botmeister 06-01-2004 05:14

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pierre-Marie Baty
(@ botmeister: Round Two, Fight ! 8))
*edit* BTW, note these rhymes are pure alexandrine's! :P

OK, here we go again

TECHNICAL SUPPORT POEM

Why do I get a message saying
"Invalid STEAM UserID Ticket" you can't be play'n?
Whenever I connect to my LAN server
it leaves me and my buddies hanging in a fervor!

I'm afraid this error most commonly caused
by a combination of factors
leaving your game permanently paused.

Providing support for such a setup we had no plan,
connecting to a game server on your LAN.

We promise a fix, so hang in there steady,
we will work on it as soon as we're good and ready!

I'm afraid this is all the help I can find,
and we're sorry for leaving you in such a bind.

Pierre-Marie Baty 06-01-2004 14:08

Re: Steam Poem
 
haha, you don't respect the rhythmics, your rhymes must have the same number of syllables :D
Steam has already failed, and it failed all the way
1------2---3-4--5-- 6--/--7--8--9---10-11--12
cheaters already get through the gate anyway
1----2---3-4--5--6-/--7------8---9--10-11-12

na na na naaaaah! :P :P

/me walks in circles, scratching head, mumbles 'inspiration, inspiration, I need inspiration'

Dis Guy Here 07-01-2004 00:50

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by botmeister
OK, this one is a terrible poem too, let's see what I can do ...

theoretically, steam is a great idea.
implementing it didn't go quite as good, like a bad tasting tortilla
they are making up lost ground with weekly updates and such.
as a matter of fact, i don't hate it so much,
except when their content servers are congested,
or when an update is released untested

:)

lol thx :)

botmeister 07-01-2004 01:28

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pierre-Marie Baty
haha, you don't respect the rhythmics, your rhymes must have the same number of syllables :D
Steam has already failed, and it failed all the way
1------2---3-4--5-- 6--/--7--8--9---10-11--12
cheaters already get through the gate anyway
1----2---3-4--5--6-/--7------8---9--10-11-12

na na na naaaaah! :P :P

/me walks in circles, scratching head, mumbles 'inspiration, inspiration, I need inspiration'

LOL now sing that to the tune of Jingle Bells. :D

Steam Is Hell


Dashing on to play
On a 56k modem
Through the Steam we go
Waiting it seems all day;
Watching progress bar unmoving
making fists clench tight
Looks like high ping
and a crappy game tonight
Steam is Hell
steam is hell
waiting all the way!
O what fun it is to wait
on a 56K modem delay

Pierre-Marie Baty 07-01-2004 02:00

Re: Steam Poem
 
Here it comes baby... woohoo ;)

An Award

Especially before colleagues and customers,
One thing we always try, is not to look stupid.
We always want to show the skills of a master ;
When they catch us in fault, shame is something horrid

Unfortunately some don't seem to think that way ;
They release gigabytes of untested sowtware,
Full of bugs, stuffed with holes, and it takes you a day ~
Cause you must download it, often with old hardware.

I really don't get why it can't seem obvious,
That all these guys will do, is just ruining their fame ;
Losing their customers, and put their firm to shame.

For me like for others, Steam is obnoxious;
I decree an award for spoiling a good game,
Turning a great idea into something lame.


Notice this time...? it's a sonnet. :D

Round Three, Fight!

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 14-01-2004 06:32

Re: Steam Poem
 
nice one

stefanhendriks 15-01-2004 17:42

Re: Steam Poem
 
*stumbled* so... beautifull... *snif*

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 17-01-2004 07:09

Re: Steam Poem
 
make this as sticky

we shud copy this to steam forums

TheHipHopFrenzy 24-01-2004 05:11

Re: Steam Poem
 
The Steam Cycle

Get on my computer its time to play;)
Maybe CS or DOD today.:D

I haven't been on fo awhile lets hope all is well=)
I heard that this new steam crap should all be sent to hell.8o

I get on fileplanet to get the steam game:|
d^mn all these pop ups are d^mn stupid and lame.>:(

Finally get to download all these new files.;)
Hate this waiting garbage it takes quite awhile.:RTFM:

Now to install and get on the road8)
tobad steam takes forever to load.:RTFM:

Steam finally loads, Im Almost Done=)
Can get online and shoot up some fun.:D

Updating platform files, great something more:(
Have enough time to deal a prostitute and a wh0re.:o

Create New account dis should be good:)
cd key accepted, I knew it would.;)

Downloading Game files another f^cking wait.:'(
Dang out of money guess now I gotta Masturb@te.8)

Good its done now time to play=)
"Steam script error" another delay.???:(

Now I am mad gotta restart computer:RTFM:
I am gonna cap some ass wit my 9mm shooter.:RTFM:

Get back on lets try some more
Man This bullshit is becomin a bore.9_9

Get into game woot now for some fun8D
Ima go in der and shoot wit my gun.8)

1 kill no deaths now im glad:D
Spontaneous shut down! now im mad.>:(

New Steam update Avaialble My friend....
Now we do this bullshit all over again.......:RTFM:

Pierre-Marie Baty 24-01-2004 19:49

Re: Steam Poem
 
l33t! a great one! :D
someone should make a rap song of it... :P

okay, I suppose this one won the round three....


Now on for round four: how about haikus ?
5/5/7 syllabons
that should be easier for wannabe poets like me :D


Enjoying Deathmatch
Fury and Firefights
Bombed back to Desktop: Steam Error

Pierre-Marie Baty 24-01-2004 19:59

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by botmeister
...and a crappy game tonight

(PMB: HEY!!!! :D )

Steam is Hell
steam is hell
waiting all the way!
O what fun it is to wait
on a 56K modem delay
...

*cosack dance* :D

SWEET one, how could I miss that!

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 25-01-2004 04:44

Re: Steam Poem
 
LOL the steam process one was GREAT 1337 BRAVO N1 I AM EMAILING IT TO VALVE

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 03-07-2004 06:40

Re: Steam Poem
 
bump

i think we shud bring this back for the recent hatred of steam

>BKA< T Wrecks 03-07-2004 12:43

Re: Steam Poem
 
A foul strike to counter

Once upon a time people played
and enjoyed shooting each other's head
in a game called Counter-Strike.

The game was quite heavily debated
because of its content, yet top-rated
by pros and amateurs alike.

Update followed update, up to one-five,
every so many months a patch to apply.
Every PC magazine in stores just nearby
had the patch on CD to keep CS alive.

No need to have DSL,
56k worked quite well,
nobody yet had to tell
Valve guys to go straight to hell.

After quite a long time, out came one-six,
But alas! It came packed in a suspicios mix
with a software we know by its name and its tricks
which it plays on our cost, despite desperate clicks

that eventually turn out to do nothing but fail.

(Well, you know the routine,
and I bet you have seen
it all dance on your screen
while you were somewhere between
crash and reboot, blue screen and retry
hysterical laughter and desperate cries)

- And you know from the start it's to no avail.

An even worse curse than your average crash
is having to download anew all the cache
which takes ages even for lucky DSL'ers
and makes us all become Steam story tellers
sharing our individual woe and defeat,
be it in clear text or written in 1337.

Yes, Steam is the name that struck fear in our hearts,
it's what made our well-working games fall apart

- right from the start.

It kept us away from M4 and from Deagle
and despite this counts as perfectly legal

- Say, is this art?

If I were to deny
some poor passers-by
their good right to play
something they bought some day
they would put me in jail
to spend a long spell
locked away in a cell,
for a toilet a pail
and no way to get out
of this filthy game,
damned to helplessly shout
"What you did was the same!"

(William T. Wreckspeare) :D

TruB 03-07-2004 12:47

Re: Steam Poem
 
wow..

Pierre-Marie Baty 03-07-2004 18:33

Re: Steam Poem
 
oh my god... 8o

Wrecks, you 0wn

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 03-07-2004 18:44

Re: Steam Poem
 
that was good..

stefanhendriks 03-07-2004 22:14

Re: Steam Poem
 
OMFG, Wreck!!! that is really some nice piece there! :D

Nova 03-07-2004 22:55

Re: Steam Poem
 
grmbl ... would you guys stop bashing steam at least for a little while. I get enuf of that over in the steam forums, don't need that here, too 8)

>BKA< T Wrecks 04-07-2004 09:34

Re: Steam Poem
 
@ TruB, PMB, Adrian, stefan: =) Thx for the nice comments, guys! Glad you liked it! I really can't explain where this came from... I was having a bad hangover and didn't manage to do anything the entire day - well, anything except for this... 9_9

@Nova: Maybe you should avoid this thread? You certainly won't find psalms and praises for Steam here... Just enjoy the rhymes, man - ignore the content! :D You know I'm not really serious about all this, at least I hope so...

-------------------------------
Ok, for all of you who liked the stuff, here's a new poem type: The Steamerick!

Abort the report

I just have to tell you as Steam update reporter:
Lags and downtimes get longer, my patience grows shorter
And I know my conclusion
will remain an illusion:
Wish we could head for the Steam guys' headquarter.
-------

Hell's Smells

At Valve, they got in a programming fit,
probably thinking that Steam was a hit.
My experience shows
just what everyone knows:
It actually stinks like a truckload of ... !
-------

A more complicated rhyme pattern:

It's not magic

Whether he warrior or wizard be,
it's something he'll never with Blizzard see:
A software so lame
that its users proclaim:
"It's all just a meaningless misery."
--------
...and here's a tricky one; I played a bit with words here:

PUNishment (Where's the counter-strike?)

Those Valve guys sure seized the occasion
they struck hard with a quick operation.
All you nighted users
are its dependent losers:
Now Steam has its world's dummy nation.
---------

Hope you have fun & enjoy... :D

sPlOrYgOn 04-07-2004 09:44

Re: Steam Poem
 
Crazy how you come up with all this great stuff :D

-=RAV=-AdrianShephard 04-07-2004 23:49

Re: Steam Poem
 
yeah gj man

Nova 05-07-2004 00:51

Re: Steam Poem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -=RAV=-AdrianShephard
yeah gj man

Yeah Wrecks, your right, I should. I'm just saying (as I always do), that there is always two sides to the story, and that Steam WILL eventually be a good thing.

Oh, and i have to give credit to all the poets here ... i couldnt write the poem with a gun to my head ... :)

Whistler 05-07-2004 04:03

Re: Steam Poem
 
1. Steam just makes me pay 3-4 times of money than before to the ISP;
2. even so, I still unable to connect to Steam server and login to steam *MOST* of the time (including today) :(


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